The short version: long distance grandparenting works when it runs on rhythm, not on big visits — a standing weekly call, small things in the mail, and one shared ritual the grandkids can count on. And on the days the house feels too quiet between calls, How To Beat Loneliness answers free at 877-638-1122 — a real person picks up, no crisis needed, no cost.
I’m Sergio, and I started How To Beat Loneliness. Long distance grandparenting is one of those things nobody plans for. You raise your kids, they grow up, they follow a job or a spouse to another state — and one day the grandchildren you’d pictured at your kitchen table every Sunday are a plane ride away. If that’s where you are, you’re in very large company, and there is a lot you can still do from where you’re sitting. Here’s what actually keeps the connection alive, and what to do about the quiet in between. If you ever just want a voice on the line, the number is 877-638-1122.
Long Distance Grandparenting Is More Common Than It Feels
More than half of American grandparents have at least one grandchild who lives over 200 miles away, according to AARP’s 2018 Grandparents Today study of 2,654 grandparents. About a third live more than 50 miles from even their closest grandchild. And when AARP asked what gets in the way of spending time together, distance came first, with busy schedules second.
So if you feel like the only one at the family gathering whose grandkids aren’t around the corner, you aren’t. You’re closer to the norm than the exception.
| What AARP found | Share of grandparents |
|---|---|
| At least one grandchild lives more than 200 miles away | More than half |
| Live more than 50 miles from their closest grandchild | About a third |
| Reached grandchildren by phone — 2011 | 70% |
| Reached grandchildren by phone — 2018 | 46% |
That last pair of rows is the interesting one. Phone calls dropped from 70% to 46% in seven years, as video chats and group texts moved in. Which is fine — as long as the new tools are actually carrying the relationship, and not just a thumbs-up emoji on a photo once a week.
Why the Distance Hurts More Than People Admit
Grandparents are often told to be grateful for the photos, and most are. But a photo is not a conversation. Missing a grandchild is its own particular kind of lonely — you have family, you’re loved, and you still eat dinner alone while their life happens somewhere you can’t see.
It’s worth taking seriously. The U.S. Surgeon General’s 2023 advisory found that about half of U.S. adults report measurable loneliness, and treats social connection as a real health matter, not a nice-to-have. If the distance from your grandkids has been sitting on you, that’s not you being sentimental. It’s you noticing something that matters. If your own children have gone quiet too, we wrote about that separately in my adult children never call me.
7 Ways to Stay Close to Grandchildren Who Live Far Away
None of these need to be done perfectly. Pick two, do them every week, and let the rest come later.
1. Put one call on the calendar and never move it
“Call whenever” becomes “call rarely” in about a month. “Sunday at 5” becomes something the kids expect — and start to look forward to. Agree on a day and time with their parents, keep it short if you need to, and protect it the way you’d protect a doctor’s appointment.
2. Use your voice, not just your thumbs
Texts are easy, which is exactly why they feel thin. In research by Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley, people who reconnected by phone felt significantly more connected than people who typed — and no more awkward than they’d feared. Hearing Grandma laugh does something a heart emoji can’t.
3. Give the video call a job
Small children are terrible at “so, how was school?” and brilliant at doing things. Read the same bedtime story from two copies of the book. Play a game over the screen. Have them give you a tour of their Lego tower. A call with an activity lasts three times longer than a call with questions.
4. Send real mail
A child who never gets letters will remember the grandparent who sent them. A postcard, a newspaper clipping about their favorite team, a pressed leaf from your yard — it doesn’t matter. What matters is that something with their name on it shows up, and that it came from you.
5. Start one thing you share only with them
A book you’re both reading. A plant you each grow and compare. A running joke. A question you ask every single call. Shared rituals are what turn “a grandparent who lives far away” into my grandparent. Kids hold onto them for years.
6. Stay on good terms with the middle generation
With grandchildren who live far away, their parents are the gatekeepers of every call and every visit. Ask them what time works, not the kids. Don’t turn missed calls into guilt. The grandparents who get the most time are usually the ones who make it easiest for the parents to say yes.
7. Plan visits around moments, not holidays
Holidays are crowded, rushed and expensive. A school play, a first soccer game, or a random week in spring can give you far more real time together. And if the holidays themselves are hard when the family is scattered, here’s our guide to being lonely during the holidays.
What About the Quiet Days In Between?
Here’s the honest part. Even the best long distance grandparenting leaves six days a week with no call scheduled. The grandkids are the brightest thing in the week, but they can’t be the only conversation in it — and asking a nine-year-old to carry your loneliness isn’t fair to either of you.
So build a little company around the calls: a neighbor you check on, a class, a standing coffee. Our guide to being lonely on weekends has ideas for the long stretches, and if the empty house is newer than you’d like, empty nest loneliness covers that turn in the road. And when you just want someone to talk to on an ordinary Tuesday, that’s what our free line is for — here’s the full map of someone to talk to when lonely, or just dial 877-638-1122.
Frequently Asked Questions About Long Distance Grandparenting
How do you stay close to grandchildren who live far away?
Keep a fixed weekly call, give video calls an activity like reading the same book, send real mail, and build one ritual you share only with them. Consistency matters more than how long each call lasts.
How many grandparents live far from their grandchildren?
More than half of U.S. grandparents have at least one grandchild living over 200 miles away, according to AARP’s 2018 Grandparents Today survey. About a third live more than 50 miles from their closest grandchild.
How often should long distance grandparents call?
Once a week at a set time is a good baseline for most families. Agree on it with the parents, keep it short for young children, and add small in-between touches like a photo, a voice message or a postcard.
What can I do when I miss my grandchildren and feel lonely?
Name it, and don’t carry it alone. Build some company around the weekly calls — a neighbor, a group, a standing coffee — and on the quiet days, call How To Beat Loneliness free at 877-638-1122, where a real person picks up just to talk.
Important
We are companions, not clinicians. The free line at How To Beat Loneliness is answered by real people who listen — we don’t diagnose, prescribe or treat. If missing your family has settled into weeks of low mood or poor sleep, please mention it to your doctor. And if a day ever feels unsafe, call or text 988 (the U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), any hour.
A note from Sergio
Distance changes the shape of being a grandparent. It doesn’t cancel it. The grandparents kids remember aren’t always the ones who lived closest — they’re the ones who kept showing up, in whatever form they could. A Sunday call. A card with a dollar in it. The same silly question every week. Start one of those this week. And if the house is too quiet tonight, we’re here: 877-638-1122.
— Sergio, How To Beat Loneliness