The short version: if you are lonely during the holidays, you are in the company of roughly one in three American adults, and you do not have to wait until January for it to pass. How To Beat Loneliness answers a free phone line at 877-638-1122 — a real person picks up, on Thanksgiving, on Christmas Eve, on the ordinary Tuesday in between. This article covers why the season hits so hard, what the numbers say, and what actually helps.
I’m Sergio, one of the founders of How To Beat Loneliness. It’s early September as I write this, which means the stores are about to start playing the music, and somewhere a person is already dreading it. If you feel lonely during the holidays, you know the shape of it: everyone else seems to have somewhere to be, the phone is quiet, and a season that is supposed to be about togetherness turns into eight weeks of noticing who isn’t there. I want to walk through what’s going on, with real numbers, and then give you a short, honest list of things that help — starting with a number you can call today: 877-638-1122.
How common is being lonely during the holidays?
Very. In an AARP Foundation survey of U.S. adults, 31% said they had felt lonely during the holiday season at some point in the previous five years, and 41% said they had worried about a family member or friend feeling lonesome. Put those two together and you get the real picture: the loneliest person at the table and the person quietly worrying about them are often sitting a few feet apart, and neither says anything.
The same survey found something I find oddly comforting. About a third of people (34%) said they typically receive more kindness from strangers at this time of year. The season makes people gentler with each other, even if it makes some of us sadder. That’s worth remembering when you’re deciding whether to say hello to the cashier or the neighbor. The odds are in your favor.
Why the holidays make loneliness louder
Loneliness is the gap between the connection you have and the connection you want. The holidays don’t change what you have. They change what you want — or more precisely, what everything around you insists you should want. Every commercial, every card, every “what are you doing for Thanksgiving?” widens the gap without touching the other side of it.
There’s also the calendar effect. Grief does not respect December. If you lost a spouse this year, the first holiday season without them is its own kind of hard, and we wrote about that in loneliness after losing a spouse. If your kids live three states away and the visit got cancelled again, it lands right when the neighbors’ driveways fill up. If you’ve been managing fine alone all year, the holidays are the one stretch where fine stops being enough.
And the background level has risen. AARP’s 2025 study found that 40% of U.S. adults age 45 and older are lonely, up from 35% in both 2010 and 2018. So the person who feels lonely during the holidays isn’t an outlier having a bad month. They’re part of a trend that’s been building for years, and December just turns up the volume.
What actually helps when you’re lonely during the holidays
I’m going to skip the advice that assumes you have a full social calendar you’re simply neglecting. Here is what works for the people who call us, in roughly the order I’d try it.
1. Get one real conversation on the calendar, not a party
The National Institute on Aging’s advice for staying connected is unglamorous and correct: schedule regular time to talk with family and friends, by phone or video if you can’t be in the room. One planned twenty-minute call does more for a lonely week than a crowded event you dread. If nobody comes to mind, that’s what our line is for. Call 877-638-1122 and a real person will talk with you, free, for as long as you’d like. There’s more on how that works in someone to talk to when lonely.
2. Shrink the holiday to a size you can hold
You don’t owe anyone a full Christmas. Pick one thing that’s actually yours — a specific meal, a walk at a specific hour, one movie you watch every year — and do that on purpose. A holiday with one deliberate ritual feels chosen. A holiday spent waiting for the day to end feels like punishment. Same date, completely different experience.
3. Be the stranger who’s kind
Remember that 34% who say they get more kindness from strangers this time of year? Be one of the reasons. Say the extra sentence to the pharmacist. Ask the neighbor what they’re doing for the holiday and actually wait for the answer. The NIA lists volunteering and helping others among the most reliable ways to feel connected, and there’s a practical reason: it gets you talking to people without the weight of needing anything from them.
4. Plan for the hard hours, not the whole season
Callers tell us the worst of it isn’t the holiday itself. It’s 4 p.m. on the day when everything’s closed, or the evening after a nice visit ends. Know which hours are yours. Have a phone number, a book, a task, or a chore ready for those specific hours. If nights are the problem, feeling lonely at night is the page for that.
5. Say it out loud to one person
Four in ten people are worried about someone being lonely this season. Some of them are worried about you and don’t know how to ask. “The holidays are hard for me this year” is a complete sentence, and it gives the people around you something to do with their worry. If the person you’d tell is a grown child who has been distant, we have a page on what to do when your adult children never call that may help you find the words.
| If the hard part is… | Try this first | Where to read more |
|---|---|---|
| Nobody to call on the day | Call the free line at 877-638-1122 — a real person answers | Someone to talk to when lonely |
| First holiday after losing your spouse | Keep one of their traditions, drop the rest without guilt | Loneliness after losing a spouse |
| The evenings, after everything closes | Plan the specific hours, not the whole season | Feeling lonely at night |
| The whole year, not just December | Start with the big guide and pick one step | How to beat loneliness |
Free. A real person answers. Holidays included.
Why we built a phone line for this
When we started How To Beat Loneliness, the idea was simple: the hardest part of being lonely isn’t that no one exists to talk to. It’s that reaching out feels like admitting something. So we made the reaching out as small as it can possibly be. One number. No account, no app, no reason required. You can talk about the holidays or the weather or the game. Whoever answers isn’t a therapist and won’t pretend to be one — they’re a person, and on a quiet day in December, that turns out to be most of what’s missing. The bigger picture of what we’ve learned is in our guide on how to beat loneliness.
Important
We are companions, not clinicians. Feeling lonely during the holidays is common and it is not a diagnosis. But if the loneliness comes with thoughts of not wanting to be here, call or text 988 in the U.S. right now — it’s free and answered around the clock, including every holiday. If it comes with weeks of low mood, no appetite, or no sleep, tell your doctor; loneliness and depression overlap and the doctor can help sort out which is which. Our line is for the ordinary, aching, quiet-house kind of lonely.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel lonely during the holidays?
Yes. An AARP Foundation survey found 31% of U.S. adults had felt lonely during the holiday season in the previous five years, and 41% had worried about a friend or family member feeling lonely. The season raises expectations of togetherness without changing how much connection a person actually has, which widens the gap that loneliness lives in.
Who can I call if I am alone on Thanksgiving or Christmas?
How To Beat Loneliness answers a free line at 877-638-1122 where a real person talks with you, holidays included. If you are in crisis or thinking about ending your life, call or text 988 first; it is free and open every day of the year.
Why does loneliness feel worse in December?
Loneliness is the gap between the connection you have and the connection you want. The holidays raise the second number through constant reminders of family and togetherness, so the same quiet house feels emptier than it did in October. Grief, distance from family, and short dark days all add to it.
What is one thing I can do today if I am lonely during the holidays?
Put one real conversation on the calendar. The National Institute on Aging recommends scheduling regular time to talk with family or friends by phone or video. If no one comes to mind, call 877-638-1122 and have that conversation with us, for free, today.
— Sergio, How To Beat Loneliness